Egg-cited

just in case

2010-06-08T16:04:00.001-07:00

If the donor ever wants to say hello, she can write to us at nursetheresa@yahoo.com

Yes Sir, that's OUR BABY!

2009-07-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

As of July 7, 2009, we are the legal parents for baby Mark. Her Honorable Judge Katherine K. Lumsden made it official. I love it that the judge was a woman, and her name was Katherine! I love her even though I have never met her.

Smile:)

New Picture of Markolas

2009-07-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

Here is a new pic of Markolas. If you look closely, you will see his little fist on his cheek and a smile on his face.

Absolutely adorable!!!!

It's a BOY!

2009-06-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

Things are going well. We are now in the 21st week of pregnancy. Aside from a little nausea and some nausea medication related side effects, all is well. Baby is growing by leaps and bounds and he is all caught up to where he should be for his gestational age.

We are going to see my sister next week. We are going to attend an ultrasound so we can see the little feller in action.

I wish there was some way we could communicate to Boca our dog about what is happening! He is going to be so excited, and I can just picture them together!

We are naming him Mark Nicholas, or as he is affectionately referred to as "Markolas"

We are indeed very lucky and very blessed!

I do not know if our donor ever checks into the blog, but if you do, thanks so much for making this all possible for us!

Miracles can happen

2009-04-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

Especially when you have a sister who is wise and knows her body.

They said stop all medications, she said I do not think so.

They said the pregnancy is not viable, she said we will see about that.

They said there is no hope, she said it is too soon to give up hope.

They were wrong, she was right.

Beta is not doubling :(

2009-03-02T20:45:00.001-08:00

Well folks, it has been a long a ride, and I am afraid this is our final stop. It has truly been an amazing experience, but now it is time to grieve.

I am sure I will post more soon, but now it is time to grieve a bit...offline!

HUGS!

Theresa

Beta results

2009-02-25T18:39:00.000-08:00

Today is 9 days after egg transfer. Our beta is 127. This is a strong number for a singleton pregnancy. It can still be a multiple pregnancy, but we will not know until the ultrasound which will be in 2 weeks.

We are thrilled and so grateful for my sister!

We will keep you posted!

Theresa

beta base

2009-02-24T20:40:00.000-08:00

http://www.betabase.info/index.php

another fun web site full of fun numbers!

something to think about as we wait for the numbers

2009-02-24T20:02:00.000-08:00

Abstract
Objective It has been reported that the quantitative serum hCG level 14 days after embryo transfer (ET) correlated with pregnancy outcome as well as a likelihood of a multiple gestation pregnancy. This prospective study was designed to assess the predictive value of a 14-day post-ET hCG level with pregnancy outcome and multiple gestation pregnancies.
Methods Patients undergoing in vitrofertilization (IVF) and ET were monitored by serum quantitative hCG levels 14 days after ET. If positive, serial values of hCG were obtained and transvaginal ultrasound was performed 3 weeks after ET and weekly until fetal cardiac activity was seen. Ongoing pregnancies were defined as greater than 20 weeks.
Results One hundred eleven patients had positive serum quantitative hCG levels 14 days post-ET; 89/111, or 80.2%, had ongoing pregnancies. The spontaneous miscarriage rate was, therefore, 19.8% (22/111).

If the level was less than 300, the ongoing multiple pregnancy rate was 9% (5/57).

If the level was between 300 and 600, the ongoing pregnancy rate was 40% (10/25).

If the hCG level was greater than 600, the multiple pregnancy rate was 100% (7/7).

Conclusions These data support the hypothesis that hCG levels greater than 200 mIU/ml on 14 days post-ET are more likely to have ongoing pregnancies; hCG levels greater than 600 have a high likelihood of a multiple gestation pregnancy.

We were robbed!!

2009-02-20T13:26:00.000-08:00

Can you believe this? We bought a 3 pk of Clear Blue Digital Pregnancy tests and there were only two in the box. I can just see it, some pathetic soul shoplifting a pregnancy test. Having a baby when I can't conceive. You can imagine how ticked off I was....I would have been even more upset, if the test had not been POSITIVE!!

WOOT!! Way to go Sister!

Did I mention how early it is? How many do you think are in there anyway?

Double click pic for a larger view!!

$$ Dollar Store Pregnancy Tests

2009-02-20T08:12:00.001-08:00

Well those cheap dollar store pregnancy tests are showing negative. So what if it is way too soon to be testing! We will keep you posted now the good pregnancy tests are in the house!

One day after transfer

2009-02-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

Today is my last day of bed rest. Even though I have been pampered, I have had way too much time on my hands. This time has convinced me that I am already experiencing pregnancy symptoms. I have also tried to convince my sister by making her poke my boob. lol Of course this poke makes my boob hurt and you know sore boobs are an early symptom of pregnancy...

Good news is that I will be paroled from the couch effective tomorrow morning. I plan on exploring San Francisco with my family for the next couple days. Maybe I can stay busy enough to keep me from peeing on those darn sticks! I'm not promising anything though!!!

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers!!!

3 thawed, 3 survived, 3 transferred

2009-02-16T17:01:00.000-08:00

So far so good. The transfer was very smoothly and the three little buns are now in the oven. Sister and I are looking a pictures of blasts that have been thawed and comparing to the picture we have of our babies.

She is behaving herself and resting on the couch.

Husband is making his infamous ice cream pie.

Kevin has the girls out for a day of fun, Boca is resting quietly on the floor.

For now all is peaceful and we wait!

How do you feel?

2009-02-15T23:55:00.000-08:00

Today my sister asked me how I am feeling. Well what could I say. I honestly broke down in tears and said I do not know how I am supposed to feel, there are so many feelings running through me and each second I never know which one will bubble up.

First of all I am nervous and I wonder how many embryos will survive the thaw.

Second I am excited and hopeful things will go well.

Third I am greatly saddened that I am not able to carry the pregnancy. I feel like a failure, the eggs are not mine, the womb is not mine, all I have to offer is my love. Even though in my heart I know this is the most important thing, sometimes it feels sort of lame.

Fourth I am nervous it will not work.

Fifth, I am nervous it will work.

Sixth, I am thankful this will finally be the last attempt, and I can be at peace no matter what the answer ultimately is.

Such a flurry of emotions. Just hope it all works out for the best!

And we're off....

2009-02-11T05:34:00.001-08:00

My appointment yesterday was successful. They checked my lining and the hormone levels in my blood. They wanted my lining to be at least 8mm and it was 11.3!!!! Yeah!!! I didn't get the results of my bloodwork but was told that it was fine.

I started my shots last night. My husband is a very calm man that I appreciate sooo much. He is also my nurse. He went with me to my appointment yesterday and the nurse drew a bullseye on my rump so he would know where to insert the needle. The needle used to draw the medicine is HUGE!!!!! It about scared me to death!! lol However, once drawn, the needle is replaced with a smaller one that is a little less intimidating. The shot didn't hurt at all. Ron, Makayla and I took turns rubbing and applying heat. Because the progesterone is in oil, the medicine needs to be rubbed in to prevent knotting. I did not have any knots, bruises or pain this morning when I awoke. However, on my way to work this morning, I started feeling some discomfort. It alarmed me for a minute. That is until I discovered it was coming from the wrong side! lol

Most importantly, my transfer is scheduled for next Monday, February 16th. I am so excited!!!!

Please keep your fingers crossed and say a little prayer for us!!!

Dawn

Party at our house!

2009-02-08T21:00:00.000-08:00

Well not really a party, more like a family reunion.

Who will be at our house this weekend?

Me
Matthew
and Katie of course

Dawn
Destiny
and Makayla

Katie's Dad Kevin
Boca
and Claude

I better watch out or I will lose my reputation for being anti-social!

Btw, despite being sick, I did manage to do a little cleaning and I took down the Christmas tree. I know, I know it is very disappointing, but I was forced to because some of the lights were starting to burn out!

Sister, want to come over and mop the kitchen floor?!

It is getting close, are you excited?

Chittlins or Chitterlings???

2009-02-06T15:17:00.000-08:00

I have been informed that I spelled chittlins (chitterlings) incorrectly and that if I can't spell them I can't cook them. First off, who said I cook them? Just for the record, I don't like them, cook them or even stand the smell of them. Secondly, who actually says chitterlings? As they say in the south you ain't from around here are ya? (yes I said ain't and I said ya instead of you lol)

Let's see, we will put back three and may get four in return. Do you have four boys names picked out? :)

Ok, we are on our way. I did my pre-pregnancy dental exam - no cavities. I asked for some advice from the dentist regarding morning sickness. She recommended using baking soda (or soder if you are from rural Ohio) and to brush with PreviDent 5000 plus every night. This is to prevent dental issues from the sickness.

I have been on estradiol for seven days now. No big issues resulting from the pills. I have been reading up on the pio shots. They terrify me. There are ladies that report running out of places to give the shot from all the lumps. Good thing I have a big hiney to spread the lumps!!

Tuesday is the ultrasound and bloodwork. Keep your fingers crossed that my lining is at least 8 so the transfer can be scheduled!!!

That's all for now. You'all come back now ya hear! For you Ann, that means please revisit the blog in the near future. lol

Dawn

Ann can make these chit things for you!

2009-02-06T12:12:00.000-08:00

Hey Sister,

I think one of the chemo nurses Ann, can make those chitlens for you!

She also has your bed right now, so be nice to her!

Theresa

Multiples

2009-02-06T12:09:00.000-08:00

Sister!

According to the article I read online, the lady in CA put back 6 embryos and got 8 babies. Maybe since you are only having 3...you will only get 4? I am not making this any better am I?

Nevermind, forget you read this!

Is there any doubt now?

2009-02-05T14:09:00.000-08:00

In case you were all wondering, I think my sister proved that she is indeed as capable of being clever! One might even call that last post witty or smart assey!

Perhaps it is the Estrogen, heaven knows it does funny stuff to the body!

Anyway, I have been sick AGAIN, I have a bad cold! I sit at my desk coughing and does anyone feeel sorry for me? No they just tell me to keep it down and cover my mouth! Whatever!
Thanks Nakeia for the sympathy!

Geezy!

I really need to stop reading online......

2009-02-02T14:39:00.000-08:00

I just read an article about Nadya Suleman, the woman in California that gave birth to eight children. Nadya's mother said that fewer than eight embryos implanted but they multiplied. Has anyone heard exactly how many were implanted? If we transfer three and they multiplied, we could have six babies. Is the Laubach family ready for six??

So, how's the preparations going for our arrival? Did you buy a new toilet seat this time? Makayla said not to worry too much about the cleaning- she will be glad to help for a small fee. However the running up and down the stairs will cost you a little more this time though.

So you like a little variety when it comes to food? Maybe I should bring my husband and allow him to fix you some chittlins, greens and pork jaw. Sounds tasty doesn't it? lol Sarah, your welcome to sample some too!!

Can't wait to see everyone!!!

Hello Sister!

2009-01-31T15:05:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the blog, according to my calculations....we are the only people who are reading it right now, so there is no pressure :) We are so excited as well. I am right now thinking about all the things I have to do before you arrive. OK, that was depressing, so now I will think of all the fun things we can do once you get here...ahhh that is better.

My nieces and my sister are a little hesitant when comes to trying new foods. We live in the Bay Area with some of the most exciting food choices in the world. One of our favorite restaurants is Salang Pass and Afghan restaurant where you can actually sit on the floor, I always wanted that during my 2 week wait. The dilemma is whether to expose the to these exotic foods and broaden their horizons, or take them to safe choice like McDonald's and Texas Road House?

Got my cycle now starting the cycle!!

2009-01-31T06:15:00.001-08:00

I am soooo excited!!! I got my cycle yesterday and now the fun begins!!

I started Estradiol (3x a day) and baby asprin (1x a day) today. My ultrasound/blood work is scheduled for Tuesday the 10th. If my lining is nice and fluffy at the appointment, I will probably transfer sometime during the week of the 16th.

There are so many things that I am excited about. I am given the opportunity to play an important role in my future niece/nephew(s)lives. Just think, I thought I was doing something when I stayed up late videotaping Katie's bath after she was born!! Also, my two daughters and I are going to visit Matthew, Theresa and Katie! Because I live in Georgia, we don't get to see my family nearly as much as we would like.

Keep your fingers crossed and please remember us in your prayers. This is Matthew and Theresa's time and I feel blessed to be a part of it.

Dawn

Back by Popular Demand

2009-01-26T18:23:00.000-08:00

....errr well maybe not popular demand but the request of my in-laws!

Well we have passed all our tests and we are now waiting to start the cycle. As soon as Dawn gets her cycle, we are a go.

Dawn is now going to join me on the blog, please welcome her, as she shares her experiences.

She thinks I am witty and her posts will be boring. I have news for you all, she is as sarcastic and smart-assey as I am. I think it should be entertaining.

As usual, we are waiting!

Testing one, two, three...and for a change not me

2008-11-30T22:32:00.000-08:00

We are now in the testing phase. Dawn, her husband Ron, and my husband Matthew all have to be run through a battery of tests and exams to make sure they are all healthy.

We will all meet with the same therapist that cleared us for egg donation last year.

Once all that has been completed we move on to...more testing! The same sorts of testing I have completed each cycle including saline sonogram, ultrasounds, and mock transfer.

Once all that is done, we move on to medications. If all goes well Dawn will start her medications in January and plan to transfer at the end of January.

By the way, we have to squeeze Christmas in here with all the other festivities. It will be a busy couple of months!

Same blog, same characters, different tagline.....

2008-11-24T21:43:00.001-08:00

Welcome to the new chapter in our ongoing saga. When we last left our heroine she had just failed her latest pregnancy test. It was then that she called her sister and asked, "Do you still want to be my babies Momma?" Without missing a beat, she said yes.

So...we are off again! In case the last post was not a good clue, we are planning the transfer for the end of January.

If you thought egg donation was complicated, wait until you hear about surrogacy!

Calculating due date with assisted fertility

2008-11-21T23:38:00.000-08:00

When planning a fertility cycle, everyone wants to know one thing...when will the baby be due?

Well with assisted fertility this is no easy question. However, you can find the answer by doing what I did...Google it.

http://www.ivf-infertility.com/calc_preg.php
is a great little calculator to find the answer to this very question.

So for example: if you transferred 5 day embryos (blasts) on January 30, 2009, then you would be due on October 18, 2009. Pretty nifty huh?

It is official

2008-11-14T14:17:00.001-08:00

We are not pregnant. I guess we have some healing and thinking to do.

Theresa

Tears and yet more injections

2008-11-12T05:39:00.000-08:00

Still nothing on home pregnancy test...it should be positive by now if it is going to be, so I am losing hope. Last night was really hard, I cried the entire time Matthew was giving me my shot, the pain in my heart is killing me.

Why does this have to hurt so much. Blood pregnancy test is Friday.

frowns and looks at test

2008-11-11T05:22:00.001-08:00

I can't believe it still says

Not Pregnant

Blood test is Friday. Perhaps we will just have to wait until then to know for sure.

HPT negative this am

2008-11-10T06:15:00.000-08:00

If it is negative, then I want the nausea to go away!

Boo, anyway try again tomorrow.

For all the family and friends who do not understand this obsession with pee on sticks I offer the following from a fellow cycler. Keep in mind this is a quote from someone else not me.....I have not yet had a positive test.

"My transfer was monday and I started on friday, I know it was too
early and would get a neg but i did it anyway. 2 days and 13 tests
later I finally tested positive last night. My beta is wed"

Theresa

Hooray I threw up tonight!

2008-11-09T20:19:00.000-08:00

Ok, maybe not an occasion you want to run out and buy a cake for, but I am happy!

Not yet positive

2008-11-09T12:35:00.001-08:00

This morning I did a home pregnancy test and it was not yet positive. We are 4 days past 5 day transfer. Our last pregnancy was positive at 5 days past 5 day transfer, so we will see what tomorrow holds for us. Many people to not test positive until 7 days past 5 day transfer. On our first transfer we never got a positive home pregnancy test and still had a positive blood test.

For those of you not in the fertility game, 9 days past 5 day transfer is the day your period should be due. We still have many days to test between now. We will keep you posted.

Here is an amusing exchange. My husband wrote an email updating his family after the transfer. Here is part of the email and the response from my not so subtle sister-in-law whom I love to pieces.

Husband: By the way, the IVF transfer went very smoothly yesterday, more smoothly than the others had, giving us a very good feeling. Unfortunately someone rear-ended us on the way there when traffic slowed abruptly on 880, but the damage is very modest and no one was hurt. Theresa is now enjoying her rest. We will know more officially when we do the blood test on 11/14, but Theresa might do home pregnancy tests before then.

Sister-in-law: Theresa "might" do some tests before them? Might?
Either she's had a major conversion or you are the king of understatement!
Which is it?:)

Talk about feeling "antique"

2008-11-08T17:34:00.000-08:00

Today we went out for a bit to a nearby area called Niles, that has many quaint little antique shops. As we were shopping I had some rather intense cramping and I broke out in a terrible sweat. I asked my husband if it was hot in the shop, and the lady behind the counter said, "I think it is hot, but I am usually hot" and made that knowing look like it must be menopause. Well I can't tell you how old this made me feel. I am now a member of the perimenopausal and postmenopausal club of woman who suffer with hot flashes.

On the upside, I am being treated like a princess at home. My husband is very attentive and supportive. I guess even a princess has to endure a little nausea and a few hot flashes now and then.

Home pregnancy tests are usually not accurate this early. The earliest I have heard of positives is 9 days post retrieval and that was with twins. I tested positive at 10 days post retrieval during our cycle in July this year. Since we transferred on Wednesday and they were 5 day embryos so the earliest will be Monday and that will be 10 days.

Hooray bedrest is over!

2008-11-07T11:48:00.000-08:00

So this morning I got up and started cleaning the house. After about 20 minutes I got nauseated and started gagging. So I sat down for awhile. When I started back up, I once again got really hot and started gagging. Hmmmm.....now we know that progesterone which I am getting by the butt load (literally) can cause nausea. Still, isn't it fun to hope it may be something more?

Update

2008-11-06T12:17:00.000-08:00

Good news of our 5 remaining frozen embryos, 2 were thawed and both
survived the thaw! Hooray leaving us with 3 on ice.

Also, because this is my third time back "in the saddle" I was able to
advocate for myself in regards to the best position and the like and
so the transfer was very fast. Those 2 embies were in there new home
in record time.

Bad news, the camera was not working in the lab and so we have no pics
of these embies. Also, we were involved in a car accident in route to
the fertility clinic. Just a fender bender, someone hit us from behind
of the freeway. Still it was a crazy way to start the day.

BETA is in 9 days, obsessively peeing on sticks to start in 5-6!

update

2008-11-03T19:17:00.001-08:00

Our transfer has been moved up by one day. We are transferring Wednesday the 5th instead of Thursday the 6th.

Wish us luck!

Theresa

Twins...

2008-10-28T19:34:00.000-07:00

I just learned that my half-sister is pregnant. She is having....twins. Also, my best friend is pregnant, she is only having one that I know of.

Everyone seems to walk on egg shells around me when it comes to these issues. Even my husband was unsure how I would react and very gently asked me how I was feeling about the news.

I am very lucky that I can still experience joy on these occasions. I know that both of these women wish us nothing but the best and pray for our success.

If we are lucky enough to have a child, that would be wonderful. If we do not have a child then I pray for peace, no matter what happens I want to feel joy in our lives and the lives of our friends and family.

Faith and Courage

2008-10-04T21:35:00.000-07:00

In case you have not noticed, I have been mostly absent from the world of blogging this cycle. I am keeping my mind busy and focusing on each day as it arrives. Well I guess that is not entirely true because nothing happens without at least a little planning. All my drugs are here, my labs are completed, my calendar is prepared, my appointments are scheduled, and last but not least...my bill is finally paid in full from the past 2 cycles (Well almost anyway, pending a couple of things that are still being disputed by the insurance company.)

I wish I could know for sure, that all this time and money has not been wasted. That the 5 remaining embryos will indeed yield a child. Infertility treatment is not for the weak. It is such an exercise in faith and courage.

Here we go..................

2008-09-17T19:47:00.000-07:00

Cycle day 1 is today and tomorrow we start the dreaded birth control pills!! It has never made sense to me that you take birth control pills to get pregnant. No wonder this has not been successful, we have been going about it the wrong way! I have to take these suckers for just over a month, so we can have my next period arrive just on time so we can transfer on November 6th.

Woohoo let the fun begin!

Third time is a charm?

2008-09-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

November 6th.

I know nothing is ever etched in stone when it comes to fertility, but we are shooting for November 6th as our frozen embryo transfer date. With this cycle I will start birth control pills and then stop them on a schedule to bring on my next cycle to coincide with our planned date of transfer. Since we already have frozen blasts, we do not have the worry of matching the donors cycle as well.

I need to have an injection of positive thinking, I am a bit jaded. I went to church today, I could not even bring myself to pray.

I need a little shot of optimism.

To blog or not to blog.....

2008-09-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

I am not sure what the answer is to this question.

Pros:
It is somewhat therapeutic to me.
It keep friends and family informed.
It is a nice record of events.
It will be nice to pass on one day to any child potentially resulting from our struggle.
It may help someone else.

Cons
It is a very public display of a very private issue.
The grief I feel is felt by others.
It is time consuming.

I am not sure what I will do at this point.

Your thoughts?

Planning

2008-07-27T12:23:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book called PERFECT HORMONE BALANCE FOR PREGNANCY and
it has a lot of good ideas of how to get yourself ready for a cycle. I
feel so often like I am so out of control of the happenings related to
my fertility. For this cycle I am definitely going to make an effort
to be a bigger part of the decision process. That process starts with
the exercise chose to partake in and the foods I choose to take into
my body each day.

I also am busy investigating FET cycles so that when I meet with my RE
in August to plan the next cycle, I am ready to discuss all the
questions I have and to be a part of the planning process.
I would so love to get pregnant with twins this time and donate the remaining 3
to someone who desperately wants them.

New name for the girls list

2008-07-26T14:40:00.000-07:00

We like the name Meredith. One of my most favorite cheeky singers is Meredith Brooks so I think it would have to be after her. The thing is I do not like the name Mary and I am afraid people would want to call her that. If I could think of a good nickname for Meredith, it would definitely be in the running.

Any suggestions?

Number of embryos to transfer

2008-07-26T14:36:00.000-07:00

We have 5 frozen blasts. According to ASRM:
In donor egg cycles, the age of the donor should be
used to determine the appropriate number of embryos
to transfer.

Also it says:
For patients with 2 or more previous failed IVF
cycles or a less favorable prognosis, additional embryos
may be transferred according to individual
circumstances after appropriate consultation.

Since we have 2 failed attempts, I am inclined to ask the RE to place
3 of the 5 we have during this transfer. Normally the RE would only
transfer 2.

Natural vs. medicated FET

2008-07-26T14:35:00.001-07:00

Our fresh cycle was lost due to low progesterone. The question of
course being was it low because of chromosomal problems or low
because of inadequate progesterone supplementation?

We are meeting with out RE on August 22nd and in preparing for the
meeting I have been reading about the 2 types of cycles and all the
clinical trials I have read there is no statistical difference in the
ongoing pregnancy results.

I have always had regular 26 day cycles. I have not had a FSH done in
awhile but I do know I produced a huge ovulatory cyst with the last
cycle that delayed my fresh transfer by one week (23mm I believe)so I
am definitely still ovulating!

I feel like I would like to try the natural cycle since my 2 fresh
cycles that were medicated were not successful. I am surely not
opposed to using supplemental progesterone along with the natural
cycle, but somehow having my own functioning corpus luteum sounds
preferable.

What next?

2008-07-23T20:32:00.001-07:00

After the sadness this summer, we plan on waiting until the fall to try again. I am planning a trip with my Mom, sister, and Aunt to celebrate my Mom's 60th and my 40th birthdays. After the trip in October, we plan on doing a frozen embryo transfer at that point.

For now we will focus on getting Katie ready for 8th grade.

Also some emotional, spiritual, and physical healing.

Keep up the good wishes and prayers, they are helping to get us through!

Happy Birthday Husband

2008-07-23T20:22:00.000-07:00

My husband turned 37 on July 17th. For his birthday he had to deal with a crying spouse, help get a flat tire changed on her van, and stay at home for dinner. Not to mention the fact that he too was grieving the loss of our pregnancy just 3 days earlier. Also, one of his gifts was a Monty Python DVD set that he had owned previously and unbeknownst to me he had donated it to charity (oh well I tried)

On the bright side I did make him some yummy cookies. He also got a new GPS because his stopped working and a nice new walletini pen from Levenger's to go with his Father's Day present!

When Katie returns we will plan a dinner with cake for him! Poor sweetheart, I love you, Happy Birthday!

Things are getting better

2008-07-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

Getting back to work has really been a blessing. I was so afraid to see everyone's sad faces. To hear the I'm sorrys, to have people whisper and stare. Of course it is a catch-22 if nobody mentioned anything I would feel like nobody cared.

The first day there were a lot of tears. Then it started getting better. Today I was almost back to myself and i did not cry one time.

The bleeding has also almost ceased, which in itself has increased my mood.

Each day is a little better.

I saw my therapist and had my blood drawn. My HCG dropped to 117 which is great over one week. After it returns to normal (below 5) then we can consider this cycle over and hopefully return to normal.

One week ago

2008-07-20T22:01:00.000-07:00

One week ago today I was still pregnant. I was just returning from a fabulous cruise and I was ready to jump back into work feet first. Tonight I am wrapped in a blanket and fearful of leaving the house. It is safe here.

Tomorrow I have to return to work. Although I am sure my office mates are handling things wonderfully in my absence, I still need to be there. Otherwise, I may fall so deeply into my own wounds that I never heal.

Still the blood comes, serving as a constant reminder of what we have lost and how we continue to suffer. The tears continue in vain to cleanse the dark spot the has appeared on my soul. There are not words to communicate my grief.

Pray for my family and pray for me,

Theresa

Sad update

2008-07-16T17:49:00.001-07:00

I am sad to report we miscarried the pregnancy on Monday. We just got the call today that does indeed indicate the numbers are declining. The good news is we still have 5 frozen embryos and we can try again when we are ready. We are so lucky to be surrounded by so many people who love and support us.

Back from vacation

2008-07-13T18:16:00.001-07:00

We are back from vacation! We spent much time relaxing and taking it easy. I have been SO Tired, I believe I slept at least 14 hour a day on the cruise. I only got nauseated a couple of time. Once was after an especially rough tender ride in Cabo San Lucas, so all and all not too bad at all.

I will check in with the MD via phone tomorrow and I am scheduled for an ultrasound on Friday.

I will let you know how things go!

Email from my 8 year old niece!

2008-07-05T16:02:00.000-07:00

hi aunt theresa

i heard about your babys

what i'm hopeing for twins

JUST KEEP THEM # GOING UP.

i love you - but i'm hopping for is a new couin

i love you

makayla

hill

352 today

2008-07-04T12:46:00.001-07:00

this is the last test before the ultrasound! We are so happy things seems to be progressing nicely. Two weeks from today is the ultrasound!

Theresa

153

2008-07-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

The magic number was 100 and we are well passed it! Hooray!!

Thanks to all who were sending good wishes!

We are so excited! Hooray!

Official Beta Today

2008-07-02T06:10:00.001-07:00

If the beta today is 100, we will be on our way. As you may remember in the last cycle, we had a positive beta that failed to double every 2 days as expected. Since Mondays beta was 50, it is expected that today we should be somewhere around 100.

I will post when I hear! We are so nervous and excited. It is hard to let yourself get excited when you know at any minute the rug can be swept out from under your feet, but today is a huge hurdle to pass on our way to winning the race.

Continue to pray and keep the good thoughts coming!

Beta today is 50

2008-06-30T17:05:00.000-07:00

When I miscarried with my last cycle. I had a standing order for a weekly beta HCG test. This morning when I went to work, I checked to see if those orders were still active and guess what? They were! So I went to the lab this morning and had my first beta done courtesy of Kaiser. Today at 12 days past ovulation or 7 days past a 5 day transfer my beta is 50. So now we need to see if it is doubling!

Second beta will be on Wednesday!

Pray for 100 or better then!

No faint line here baby!

2008-06-29T16:54:00.000-07:00

Faint line

2008-06-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

If you click on the pic you can see it better!

Is that a line?

2008-06-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up at around 6 am and went downstairs to let the dog out and to collect another one of those wonderful pee sticks. Because the one from last night I knew had been negative, I was not very hopeful that I would see anything.

I waited for the test to complete and at 3 minutes I looked. At first I did not see much. The I noticed a very very very faint line. I turned the light on brighter and looked again, still not sure it was there. So I laid down on the couch and went back to sleep.

Last night when the test had been negative, my husband and I joked that the test was defective. When he woke up and came downstairs, he asked me if we had used another defective test this morning. I told him I keep imagining there is a second very faint line there. He looks and says, "there is...we are pregnant". I, still not entirely certain, asked "are you sure" so then of course I have to try it again.

So now, in around 12 hours, we have used 3 of our 5 pregnancy tests. The second test showed the same faint line as the other am test. My husband now says the one from last night has a faint pink line as well, but it is almost like we wish it to be there so now we can see it.

I woke up my 13 year old daughter and she confirmed she can see a second line as well. Hooray!

Our beta is not until Wednesday, but we are cautiously optimistic that we are heading in the right direction.

Please continue all the good thoughts, prayers, chants, Buddha belly rubbing, incense burning and bead rubbing, Who knows, we just may be lucky this time!

Obsessively peeing on sticks

2008-06-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

It is about that time again. My hubby went to the store this evening and bought 5 pregnancy tests. I figure there are 5 mornings between now and the beta (blood pregnancy test) and I will have one for each day.

Yeah well here is the problem, I love them little sticks....and it is kinda like having a big brownie in the house when you are on a diet. You feel drawn to them, you can't stop thinking about them. You open the package just to read the directions (like you do not already know them by heart. You feel the foil package in your hands. Your heart races.

You run into the bathroom and even though it is 8 pm in the evening and not your morning urine, you do not care.

Then you wonder why the darn thing is negative.

You keep staring at it thinking the faint line will magically appear, you tilt it in the light, you squint. In disgust you throw it down. 5 minute later you pick it up again and recheck...shoot still not positive.

Oh well I guess I will have to wait until tomorrow morning to try again!

Three days after transfer

2008-06-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

I am feeling great! The earliest I have ever heard of someone with a positive home pregnancy test was 4 days after transfer and she is carrying twins. I am trying to wait until at least Saturday or later to start testing, but I am not sure I am going to be able to wait much longer.

It is good that I have to work tomorrow! Otherwise I would have to restrain myself from going to the dollar store and buying a dozen tests.

Yes I am rolling my eyes at myself as well!

Quality blasts

2008-06-24T16:39:00.000-07:00

7 of our 9 embryos made it to high quality blasts. 2 were transferred and 5 were frozen.

This is great news!

Sophia

2008-06-23T22:16:00.000-07:00

Sophia has made it onto the list of possible girl names. It means Wisdom.
Here is the rest of the list.

Lily

Elizabeth

Isabella

Chloe

Zoe

Julia

Anna

Grace

Juniper

unfortunately the boys are STILL not fairing so well:

Nicholas

Zachary

Any thoughts?

Horoscope for today....

2008-06-23T22:13:00.000-07:00

Virgo (8/23-9/22)

New people are coming into your life at a fast and furious pace. Enjoy the party.

Afghan Food for the babies

2008-06-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

The is an awesome Afghan restaurant in Fremont called Salang Pass. You can actually sit on pillows on the floor and eat. Tonight since I am not allowed to sit on the floor and eat, instead we got Afghan take out. It was so super yummy. The babies really liked it :)

In the back of my mind, I hear my body saying enjoy it while it lasts. I have a history of not doing well with pregnancy related nausea and vomiting. I actually got a little bit sick on the way home from the clinic this afternoon, which I am hoping is a positive sign.

Transfer completed

2008-06-23T14:03:00.000-07:00

We are back home and we have with us 2 beautiful blasts!

We also have 2 beautiful blasts already frozen and there a 5 other embryos still in the lab. We will have to see if they make it to freeze or not. We should know by tomorrow.

I am going to take a nap now. I will post more later.

Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers!

Transfer tomorrow

2008-06-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

Monday June 23, 2008 at 11:15 am the embryos will be transferred.

I am too nervous to write anything profound, clever, or witty.

Just pray all goes well and please God.....let it work this time.

Good news!

2008-06-21T08:30:00.000-07:00

All 9 embryos are still with us.

6 are 8 cell-which is the best for day 3
2 are 5 cell
1 is 4 cell

Of the embryos

3 are grade 1 which is the best
and 6 are grade 2

So we are all set for a Monday transfer!

Hooray!

Nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof

2008-06-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

Considering the temperature in the Bay Area is in the 90s this week, that is really saying something. I have been awake since 5 am, hoping to get a phone call from the MD saying not to come in and that the embryos are doing well. We hope that the embryos are healthy and that they are going to be transferred at the blastocyst stage. I know the people scheduled in early this morning are the first priority, so I am trying to be patient. I am just so nervous.

The forecast indicates a high of 98 degrees and my 13 year old daughter is going to an amusement park with her friends. She is no longer a little girl, but not yet a woman. However, the time has come when she is able venture out into this world on her own (or at least to Great America with a group of friends). I worry that they will not drink enough water or that they will become ill in the heat, and what about the sun? I sure hope they reapply sunscreen frequently!

Whether they are 3 day embryos or a 13 year old young lady, a Mom never stops worrying!

what happens next?

2008-06-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

Now we wait until Saturday morning to see how our little embies grow. When they look at them under the microscope on Saturday this is what we hope they see. 8 cells, uniform in shape and size, and no fragmentation. Each embryo is evaluated and if we have 4 or more high quality day 3 embryos, we wait until Monday to transfer.

If there are 3 or less, or if they are not developing well we transfer a maximum of 3 embryos on Saturday.

Donor update

2008-06-19T09:36:00.001-07:00

15 eggs
12 were mature
9 fertilized!

Hooray!

Super donor!

2008-06-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

Woo-hoo we got 15 eggs today.
We will hear tomorrow how many fertilize.
Keep the prayers, well wishes, Buddha belly rubbing, incense burning going!
We are so excited. Please God let it work this time!

Good luck to our donor!

2008-06-17T22:13:00.000-07:00

I hope all goes well and that you are feeling happy and loved on the blessed day! My thoughts, prayers, and dreams will be with you today. HUGS!

Full Moon Fertility

2008-06-17T22:10:00.000-07:00

There is a full moon out tonight, it was really quite striking as we returned from the mall. I have heard before that the moon influences our cycles and our fertility. I hope the full moon is a positive sign!

Signing the card for the donor

2008-06-17T21:54:00.001-07:00

My husband and I were discussing whether or not we should sign the card or leave it anonymous. We decided there was no harm in signing our first names, so that is what we agreed to do. Later in the evening when we were ready to sign the card, I asked my daughter if she would like to sign the card as well. Of course she did. There was only one problem, we did not tell her that we were signing only our first names. She signed her first and last name. I went into a panic, because I am a little crazy like that. What are we going to do? We do not have another card. Maybe I could make her a card, we have some card stock around her don't we?

After helping me find the card stock that we have available, he knew to work with me for a few minutes because he is wise like that. My husband quickly reassured me that the card was fine. Katie does not even have the same last name that we have. It is no big deal.

I know my nerves are a wreck tonight, but I often wonder why I get so worked up about the silliest things.

The perfect pair of earrings.....

2008-06-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

We bought the perfect pair of earrings for the donor. They arrived today as expected via overnight delivery. We have purchased from this company in the past and LOVED their jewelry. I removed the earrings to inspect the beautiful aquamarine, I admired it lovingly, and returned it to the box. As I replaced it the back came off of the earring. I started to replace the back when I realized the back was still on the post and instead the post had separated from the stone mount. The beautiful stone was in one hand and the post and back in the other. I almost cried.

This necessitated a late evening run to the mall. We went to Macy's and four jewelry stores before finding the replacement aquamarine earrings. We were so lucky to find a replacement, when you have settled on a particular style, nothing else will do.

Thankfully the earrings are now packaged and tucked into hubby's car, ready to be delivered tomorrow to our wonderful donor.

Update on me...

2008-06-17T05:56:00.000-07:00

I keep forgetting to update my status.

Yesterday the visit was 2 thumbs up. Labs and lining were both good. We are ready, all systems are go. But first, you guessed it, we have to wait about 2 more weeks to find out if it works and we are indeed pregnant.

Schedule of Events

2008-06-16T19:55:00.000-07:00

Trigger today 6/16
Retrieve Wednesday 6/18
Fertilize Wednesday 6/18
Check to see how many fertilized on Thursday 6/19
Hopefully we will transfer Monday 6/23
but if too few are available then we transfer on Saturday 6/21
Pregnancy test Wednesday 7/2

2008-06-16T19:29:00.000-07:00

Donor gift

2008-06-16T19:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we ordered our donor a gift. We had thought about the usual flowers, or spa gift certificate, but in the end we decided on something more permanent. Deciding upon a gift was not easy. We wanted it to some way connect the donor to the child. We thought about the child and when he/she would be born. It will be in the month of March and the March birthstone is aquamarine. We thought too of the history of the gem and in the end wrote the following card for the donor.

Aquamarine represents the ocean of love that will surround this child when entering the world in March, and the love that surrounds you today.

It will be enclosed with a pair of Aquamarine stud earrings.

tonight we trigger!

2008-06-16T19:10:00.000-07:00

Today at work I got the call. The donor is ready to trigger. According to everyones best guess, there are between 10-15 mature follicles that will be retrieved on Wednesday morning.

Up until this point I have been very muted about the whole process. I am sure it is partially in self-preservation. If I stay neutral then perhaps it will not hurt as much if things go badly. Well as hard as I may have tried, there was no controlling my racing heart whenever the NP called and said, "Are you ready? we are triggering tonight!" I replied, "Let's do it!"

I wonder if the donor is feeling as excited. I wonder too if it makes her sad to let go.

Books we will read to a new baby...

2008-06-15T18:32:00.000-07:00

This is a great question from the donor. I happen to have some experience in reading books to a little one, although I may be a bit rusty as she decided to start reading on her own!

One of the the first books that comes to mind is.....

Where the Wild Things Are..,,On the night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of on kind...and another....LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!

Next is a sweet book called HUGS...Mommy hugs are soft and warm I like them very much, Daddy hugs wrap all around they have a tickley touch

and who can forget, The Cat in the Hat....The sun did not shine it was too wet to play, so we stayed in the house all that cold, cold wet day. I sat there with Sally, We sat there we two, and of how we wished we had something to do. To wet to go out, to cold to play ball, so we sat in the house and did nothing at all.

Then there was another sweet little book called Here I am. I have 2 little eyes, a mouth and a nose, Ten little finger and 10 little toes. I have two hands to clap, clap, clap. I have 2 feet to tap, tap, tap.

Even when you are very little you can check out your body, Katie LOVED this!

Anyone else have a good book to recommend?

2008-06-15T15:20:00.000-07:00

Update on me...

2008-06-15T14:56:00.000-07:00

With all the excitement with the donor, I forgot to tell you how I am doing.

My job is to prepare for the arrival of our embryos. I do this my taking Lupron injections and Estrogen pills. I also take a baby aspirin each day.

I had my ultrasound and blood work on Friday. My lining was a little thin and according to my blood work my estrogen level was a little low. So my Estrogen dose was increased and now I must return to the clinic on Monday and have another blood test and ultrasound. They just need to make sure when the time finally arrives, I have a sufficient lining to support a pregnancy. A lining of greater than 8 mm is preferred, mine was 7.8.

Another day another dose, and more waiting.

Letter from the donor.

2008-06-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

Boo they lied to me!

2008-06-13T15:00:00.000-07:00

Evidently yesterday when I got the info, I got it on the wrong donor. I know...I know how can that happen? But you know what I work in the health care field and I know that things happen, it is just that 2 things have happened to me on this cycle now! Grrrrr!

Anyway, instead of having "lots of eggs" my donor has about 13 that are developing well. That number sounds a little low to me, but as my sister reminded me, we do not need 13 and it is quality not quantity that is important.

Even though I am telling myself all this, why is it I feel a little let down?

On a happy note, I got a letter from our donor which made me very happy! She seems so wonderful.

I pray for patience over this weekend!

Theresa

How is the donor?

2008-06-12T18:41:00.000-07:00

Well I am glad you asked. The donor is evidently doing great.

They said, "she has a lot of eggs in there" and that they believe she may retrieve on Sunday! Woot, this is great news! So by Monday, I should know how many fertilized, if all goes well.

Wow that seems very fast, I hope that is not a bad sign, I do not want her to hyperstimulate. We are so excited!

Little hat and booties

2008-06-09T20:11:00.000-07:00

Ann my new best friend in the world and a true Catholic who both prays and buys baby clothes...I think she was once hit my a nun with a ruler, but I do not think she knows any personally...although her mother is like a saint.

I think the real reason she bought the baby clothes is because she is hoping to get on God's good side and he will let Desie into Catholic Schools!

Thanks again for the clothes!

PS Matthew tried on the hat and played finger puppets with the booties, Boca was so disturbed he barked at him!

Family

2008-06-08T21:33:00.000-07:00

According to m-w.com definition 3a for the word family is as follows: a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation.

Well, if you read this blog you are a part of my blogging family.
Also if your blood courses through my child's veins, you are a part of this family.
Some of you, God bless you, are related to us directly.
Other are affiliated or associated in a non-linear fashion.
Some of you are my work family, some of you are my in-laws, some of you are my outlaws.
Some of you are here because of the blog, others are here in spite of the blog.

The wonderful church I go to sing a beautiful hymn that proclaims, "All are welcome in this place" and our motto is "whoever you are, where ever you are on life's journey, you are welcome here."

I feel like that about the blog as well. If you want to post something, please do. If you are more comfortable lurking, please do that as well.

I just want to thank all of you for your prayers, well wishes, and support. It has truly been a group effort for a very long time.

Theresa

Chocolate clarification...

2008-06-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

I suppose in my vague reference to chocolate and fertility drugs there was a bit of room for ambiguity. To make all things clear.....

Yes we are cycling this month! On or about the 19th of June the eggs will be retrieved from the donor and fertilized. On or about the 24th, they will be returned to me. And on or about July the 3rd, we will know if we are pregnant.

On exactly July the 6th, we are leaving on a cruise to Mexico to celebrate or love regardless of the results!

I am currently taking my hormones, so if you call and I am not on my A game, you will know why. I do not even have to take the hard stuff. The donor is the one who is charged with that responsibility. I hope she tolerates the hormone fluctuations better than I do! All I can say is that she is a remarkable person to take on all this.

I am going in for lab work on Monday morning. Wish us luck!

Theresa

An Act of Faith

2008-06-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

Way back when, when my in-laws were trying to conceive my husband, they also sought assistance. The assistance they sought was of a higher order, or should I say a holy order, the Carmelite Nuns. Matthew's Aunt Lucia was a member of this order.

When Kathy and Vince revealed they were not having success in conceiving, the nuns recommended prayer, and told the young couple that as an Act of faith, they should buy baby clothes.

Sure enough Matthew was conceived a few months later.

I thought this was such a sweet story, that is until I was told the frugal young couple never actually bought the baby clothes.

My sister-in-law Rebaccah, has purchased said clothes to make up for the sins of our elders, and now both of us would like to have the curse lifted from us.

Perhaps the frugal not so young couple should not only pray but purchase the baby clothes so that their children may conceive as well!

I know, I know....but I am covering all my bases just in case!

Tired of it....

2008-06-05T19:52:00.000-07:00

You know I can tell by the look on their faces, many of the people I know are really tired of hearing me talk about the cycle. Many have been with me through the tubal surgery, the IUIs, the IVF attempt, the donor cycle with my sister.....and they are really so tired of it.

I am tired too. I am tired of waiting, and poking, and scanning. I am tired of talking to the insurance company, and co-ordinating with the case manager. I am tired of not being able to talk to the donor. I am tired of paying so much money to other people to do what I should be able to do myself. I would pay 10k to be able to push the fast forward button and find out what will happen in the next 4 weeks.

But you know what? If it works it will all be worth it. Then I will just be tired because I have a new wonderful baby, and I am just tired because I am a new Mom again. I can't wait to be that kind of tired.

Theresa

Chocolate sacrifices..

2008-06-04T13:31:00.000-07:00

And the Lord looked on the Chocolate offering and he found it to be very good.

Progesterone levels are down today! We are starting fertility drugs today! Woo-hoo!!!

I am so excited!

Theresa

You forgot to do what?

2008-06-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

So, I went to the clinic this morning and that stupid cyst was still there....like a big fat goose egg. I hate you cyst! Just for that I am attacking you with more chocolate cookies tonight!

Anyway, so I had my blood drawn. The deal is that my hormone levels have to be down, so I waited very patiently...or not. When I finally get the call, I am told I have to wait until tomorrow for the results because they forgot to run the progesterone level and now the lab is closed, "they come in early you know".....yes I do know, I was there at 7:00 am when they opened the doors for Pete's sake!

SO here I am waiting patiently...or not. If I had been a good student in the mind body class I would be taking deep breaths and allowing the breath to massage my ovaries and break up that cyst. Instead, I am engaging in more chocolate therapy!

Sigh:(

2008-06-02T20:08:00.000-07:00

What if the cyst is still there?

2008-06-02T20:02:00.000-07:00

If the cyst is still there, the donor will proceed without me. We will not have a fresh cycle. On the day of the retrieval, the donor's eggs will be injected with Hubby's sperm and then we will see what happens. The healthiest of the embryos will all be frozen and we will prepare for a frozen embryo transfer(s), whenever I am ready (probably the next menstrual cycle)

negatives-frozen cycles are slightly less successful than fresh cycles are in general.

positives-I get to drink fun fruity drinks on our cruise in July!

I have to try to think on the bright side or I drive myself insane!

Fingers crossed

2008-06-02T19:59:00.000-07:00

Cyst is an ugly word.
Chocolate is a wonderfully sensual word.

Perhaps if I eat more chocolate the cyst will be gone.

I am off to make cookies!

I will let you all know about the cyst tomorrow.

Theresa

Night sweats

2008-05-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

Annoying night sweats are one of the side effects of Lupron. Up until about 3 days ago, I had not been troubled with them. I am hoping this is a good sign!

I am also back to having crazy vivid dreams on the Lupron. Last night I dreamed that my sister-in-law Rebeccah was riding around on a little miniature toy car. Now her husband has been known to engage in such behavior, but I would fall down dead if I actually saw her cruising in such a fashion.

Tuesday is the day that we find out if my cyst has resolved. Wish me luck!

New Cruise clothes

2008-05-31T11:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am one of those people who love to dress up like a freak while on a cruise. Yesterday I went shopping and found 2 new additions to my cruise attire... black capris with little pink flamingos and jean capris with little pairs on sandals on them.

My husband is a good sport and does not make fun of me when I wear them. It makes me happy and he knows when I am happy, he is way more likely to be happy! ;)

36 days until departure!

Theresa