Today my sister asked me how I am feeling. Well what could I say. I honestly broke down in tears and said I do not know how I am supposed to feel, there are so many feelings running through me and each second I never know which one will bubble up.
First of all I am nervous and I wonder how many embryos will survive the thaw.
Second I am excited and hopeful things will go well.
Third I am greatly saddened that I am not able to carry the pregnancy. I feel like a failure, the eggs are not mine, the womb is not mine, all I have to offer is my love. Even though in my heart I know this is the most important thing, sometimes it feels sort of lame.
Fourth I am nervous it will not work.
Fifth, I am nervous it will work.
Sixth, I am thankful this will finally be the last attempt, and I can be at peace no matter what the answer ultimately is.
Such a flurry of emotions. Just hope it all works out for the best!
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