Boca and Claude

Boca is our somewhat excitable but extremely lovable 3 year old golden retriever.
Claude is our reclusive and frequently disagreeable 5 year old cat.

I wonder how these guys will adjust to a baby.

Claude is just now forgiving us for bringing Boca home as a puppy.

So much to think about.....

To tell or not to tell...

We have decided to tell.
Forever Aunt Dawn will be known as a very special person who made the baby a possibility.
There has been so much sadness and anger generated by those who refuse to tell the truth, but even more by those who choose not to accept it.
For those who wish to celebrate our chance at bringing new life into the world, you are welcome in our home.
To those who want to talk about us or judge us, please stay away and kindly keep you thoughts to yourself!

What about the left-overs?

Wow talk about getting the cart before the horse. I am not even pregnant, but I am concerned about what to do with the left-over embryos.

This may sound silly, especially given my known and sometimes rather verbose political affiliation. I do not believe it is proper for me to force my personal preferences on the world, but that being said, I have very clear ideas about what I feel is acceptable and unacceptable behavior for myself and the moral implications of my choices.

So we have eggs that are graciously donated by my sister, sperm contributed by my husband and injected into said eggs, and resulting embryos that are very precious. One of these may be the child we so desperately want. How can I say the others are less precious or less wanted?

Snowflakes, embryo adoption or donation, are all possibilities, but the thought of a baby out there somewhere that may have been a member of our family is overwhelming....so much to think about.

The Big What IFs....

What if this does not work?
What if the baby has something wrong with it?
What if I get pregnant and then miscarry?
What if I am as ill during this pregnancy as I was during my pregnancy with my daughter?
What if we never have a child together?

What if this works and it is one of the most rewarding experiences of our lives?

My husband so wisely adds, what if we have triplets or twins?

So much to think about!

Birth Control Pills and Suppression

So any other normal human being has a wonderful menses free month when on BCP, well that being said....this month has been a nightmare! I spotted for 3 days before my period began, had a full cycle, and have not stopped spotting since. This has bought me several calls to the the MD, and new BCP prescription, a trip to see the MD on Christmas Eve, an extra ultrasound, and 3 weeks of worry. I am seriously considering buying stock in Playtex and Always!

Did I mention it has been cold here lately, I told my husband I am probably freezing all the time because I am anemic from all the blood loss. I am not sure he believes me.

Thank God for space heaters and sweats!

I am so happy these pills will stop on Friday, January the 4th! Hooray!

Sister-in-law please get knocked-up soon

I am already trying to plan for child care, if only my sister-in-law gets pregnant soon, we can share child rearing responsibilities! Thus defraying cost and worry at the same time!

She already thinks we should all move into a commune, I am not so sure I do not disagree! The only problem is that she and my brother-in-law just bought a house in Oakland, and we are suburbanites. Sigh..oh well I can dream, can't I?

Funny story

My sister is a social worker for the Department of Human Services AKA the Welfare Department. She has many interesting "clients" and funny stories to tell. One of the best stories involves the work-up for the egg donation. She calls her OB/GYN to schedule some routine STD screening required for all donors, and who answers the phone, but one of her former clients. The tests in question are cultures for
chlamydia and Gonorrhea. She said she was so embarrassed that she felt like she had to share the entire story with her.

of course we were all relieved to hear they came back negative!

Telling the family

My niece had the honors of telling the family. She announced:

Mommy is going to California to give Aunt Theresa some of her eggs so she can have a baby!
Really sounds very simple when she says it.....and so her Mommy is!

Little did she know, she would be coming too! So on January 17th, they will arrive!

divine intervention vs darn good luck....you decide!

In August my daughter and I start going back to church.
In September I turn 39.
In October we start talking about an egg donor.
Our insurance does not cover this so we begin planning for the expenses. $7,000 for donor, $3,500 for the drugs, $15,000 for the procedure.

I call my sister to discuss the situation and she volunteers to be our donor.
Even though she is 35, her labs and follicle count come back as those of a much younger woman. Her insurance pays for almost all of this testing.

I am offered a new job at work,.
Since I am a chemotherapy nurse, this is great timing because I will not have to exposure to chemicals that are dangerous to babies in the womb.
This new job also has $30,000 worth in fertility coverage.
We pay only $200 copay then all is covered at 80%.

Even though I am in an HMO and my surgeon is not part of our group, the plan paid for all my drugs at co-pay.
My sister has no fertility coverage with her insurance, but her drug formulary includes all of the drugs she needs.

Divine intervention or darn good luck?

You decide!

38...39....is it too late now?

Some time goes by and I regain my lost sanity. Unfortunately, I am also losing my fertility. The MD says our best chance would be to look at an egg donor at this point.

By the way, my daughter is now 12 years old, she will be 13 in April of 2008. Wow this is a lot to think about.

IVF anyone?

So we get geared up for an IVF cycle. This is not covered by our insurance. We struggle to get on the calendar and get ready. I start my birth control pills for my month of suppression and guess what? I do not suppress, there is a big fat follicle there on the ultrasound. the cycle is cancelled and we do IUI instead that month. As you can imagine, I am not pregnant.

I am starting to get the message....this is not going to happen for us.

Come back to the breath

For six weeks we learn to breathe, and meditate, and do some Yoga positions. To tell you the truth it was all a bit too Berkeley for me and I spent most of my time peeking at the other couples who were much better sports! My husband frequently became so relaxed he fell asleep.

From this class I did learn one valuable thing, I was not going crazy. Every woman in that room was experiencing the exact same thing, and every partner was trying their best to help.

BTW of the 5 couples, 4 have become pregnant, and 3 have had babies.

Guess who the 5th couple is?

Going crazy.....

Each month I am slipping deeper and deeper into despair. Finally my husband resorts to dosing me with Benadryl to knock me out and end my hysterical sobs. He pats me and tries to console me. I am a mess.

Enter a much needed break and the Mind-Body Classes!

Bravelle, HCG....sigh...rinse and repeat!

Next comes the injections. Imagine this, you get your period and you go in for your ultrasound. You get the green light to start injections. Each day you mix up the little vials of purified nun urine that is needed to stimulate egg production. Daily injections in the belly, followed by frequent ultrasounds to monitor the development of the follicles. Great 2 nice follicles develop, now take the HCG shot in the leg. Yes it hurts for 2 days afterwards, but it will all be worth it in the end right?

36 hours later after hubby "produces" the needed sample, his contribution is washed, spun, and deposited into my readied womb....now I use nasty progesterone suppositories for 2 weeks until we find out the news....I am not pregnant.

Time to have the ultrasound and start the injections again.

Labs, tests, sperm analysis....

Labs look good, I am not not nearing menopause....
Tubes are open......

Sperm count is a bit low, but that is manageable....enter the world of artificial insemination.

The FUN part?

So, I am not sure why they call this the fun part. If anything takes the joy out of sex, it is trying to get pregnant! Temps, ovulation detection sticks, failed pregnancy tests...sigh

After 6 months of less that spectacular results we decided to seek professional assistance.

The surgery

Since I had moved from Ohio to California, we began by securing my old medical records. Much to our delight. The tubal had been a mid-section and we were hopeful, what had been done could be un-done.....well not quite!

The initial tubal had cause irreparable damage to the fimbria of one tube, well not a total disaster, at least we have one good tube. The surgeon's message was encouraging:

Both of your tubes were 6 cm or more following repair, but there was no usable fimbria left on your right tube. Thus on your right side, I reconstructed the end of your tube, but this is not as effective as if you had normal fimbria. I would anticipate that changes for pregnancy would be reduced by about 30% as you really have one normal tube (your left).

So off we went to make babies.....

The beginning.....

My infertility journey begins as a single and somewhat carefree nursing student who becomes pregnant rather unexpectedly during her last year of college. After a rather tumultuous pregnancy I decided to have my tubes tied.

Several years later, I meet a special man, fall in love, and marry. We decide to try to have a child together. Thus...the adventure begins.