Someone is that 20%

I am a member of an online support group for mothers via egg donation. There is a lot of love and support found here, but sometimes things just hit me the wrong way. The leader of the group after years of infertility was one of the lucky ones and eight years ago had a son. There are those of us who have not yet been so lucky and are just trying to make it the best way we can. Those who have made it are full of advice for the rest of us, they tell us where to go, and what questions to ask, and who to talk to and what to read. I argue that at the end of the day, none of that really matters:

Even though clinics have great rates, all that matters in the end is your personal experience. At any clinic, even the best ones, people go home with no baby. If you are one of those unlucky people who goes home with no baby, 20% unsuccessful in the stats is 100% unsuccessful to you personally. On the other hand, if you spend $5K in Kenya and go home with a baby, it is 100% successful to you personally.

It is a gamble with very high stakes, some of us are winners the first time we "pull the handle" and some of us continue to feed every spare dollar and even those we do not have for a "chance" to make our dreams come true.

We can try to "learn the tables", and "count the cards", but in the end...how much control do any of us actually have? For those of you who have "hit the jackpot" congratulation are in order, but please do not judge the rest of us on how we decide to "play our hand"

The truth is, no matter what we do, and no matter which clinic we go to...someone is that 20%. We just all pray it is not us.

Theresa