Beta today is 50

When I miscarried with my last cycle. I had a standing order for a weekly beta HCG test. This morning when I went to work, I checked to see if those orders were still active and guess what? They were! So I went to the lab this morning and had my first beta done courtesy of Kaiser. Today at 12 days past ovulation or 7 days past a 5 day transfer my beta is 50. So now we need to see if it is doubling!


Second beta will be on Wednesday!

Pray for 100 or better then!

No faint line here baby!

Faint line

If you click on the pic you can see it better!

Is that a line?

This morning I woke up at around 6 am and went downstairs to let the dog out and to collect another one of those wonderful pee sticks. Because the one from last night I knew had been negative, I was not very hopeful that I would see anything.

I waited for the test to complete and at 3 minutes I looked. At first I did not see much. The I noticed a very very very faint line. I turned the light on brighter and looked again, still not sure it was there. So I laid down on the couch and went back to sleep.

Last night when the test had been negative, my husband and I joked that the test was defective. When he woke up and came downstairs, he asked me if we had used another defective test this morning. I told him I keep imagining there is a second very faint line there. He looks and says, "there is...we are pregnant". I, still not entirely certain, asked "are you sure" so then of course I have to try it again.

So now, in around 12 hours, we have used 3 of our 5 pregnancy tests. The second test showed the same faint line as the other am test. My husband now says the one from last night has a faint pink line as well, but it is almost like we wish it to be there so now we can see it.

I woke up my 13 year old daughter and she confirmed she can see a second line as well. Hooray!

Our beta is not until Wednesday, but we are cautiously optimistic that we are heading in the right direction.

Please continue all the good thoughts, prayers, chants, Buddha belly rubbing, incense burning and bead rubbing, Who knows, we just may be lucky this time!

Obsessively peeing on sticks

It is about that time again. My hubby went to the store this evening and bought 5 pregnancy tests. I figure there are 5 mornings between now and the beta (blood pregnancy test) and I will have one for each day.

Yeah well here is the problem, I love them little sticks....and it is kinda like having a big brownie in the house when you are on a diet. You feel drawn to them, you can't stop thinking about them. You open the package just to read the directions (like you do not already know them by heart. You feel the foil package in your hands. Your heart races.

You run into the bathroom and even though it is 8 pm in the evening and not your morning urine, you do not care.


Then you wonder why the darn thing is negative.

You keep staring at it thinking the faint line will magically appear, you tilt it in the light, you squint. In disgust you throw it down. 5 minute later you pick it up again and recheck...shoot still not positive.

Oh well I guess I will have to wait until tomorrow morning to try again!

Three days after transfer

I am feeling great! The earliest I have ever heard of someone with a positive home pregnancy test was 4 days after transfer and she is carrying twins. I am trying to wait until at least Saturday or later to start testing, but I am not sure I am going to be able to wait much longer.

It is good that I have to work tomorrow! Otherwise I would have to restrain myself from going to the dollar store and buying a dozen tests.

Yes I am rolling my eyes at myself as well!

Quality blasts

7 of our 9 embryos made it to high quality blasts. 2 were transferred and 5 were frozen.

This is great news!

Sophia

Sophia has made it onto the list of possible girl names. It means Wisdom.
Here is the rest of the list.

Lily

Elizabeth

Isabella

Chloe

Zoe

Julia

Anna

Grace

Juniper

unfortunately the boys are STILL not fairing so well:

Nicholas

Zachary

Any thoughts?

Horoscope for today....

Virgo (8/23-9/22)

New people are coming into your life at a fast and furious pace. Enjoy the party.

Afghan Food for the babies

The is an awesome Afghan restaurant in Fremont called Salang Pass. You can actually sit on pillows on the floor and eat. Tonight since I am not allowed to sit on the floor and eat, instead we got Afghan take out. It was so super yummy. The babies really liked it :)

In the back of my mind, I hear my body saying enjoy it while it lasts. I have a history of not doing well with pregnancy related nausea and vomiting. I actually got a little bit sick on the way home from the clinic this afternoon, which I am hoping is a positive sign.

Transfer completed

We are back home and we have with us 2 beautiful blasts!

We also have 2 beautiful blasts already frozen and there a 5 other embryos still in the lab. We will have to see if they make it to freeze or not. We should know by tomorrow.

I am going to take a nap now. I will post more later.

Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers!

Transfer tomorrow

Monday June 23, 2008 at 11:15 am the embryos will be transferred.

I am too nervous to write anything profound, clever, or witty.

Just pray all goes well and please God.....let it work this time.

Good news!

All 9 embryos are still with us.

6 are 8 cell-which is the best for day 3
2 are 5 cell
1 is 4 cell

Of the embryos

3 are grade 1 which is the best
and 6 are grade 2

So we are all set for a Monday transfer!

Hooray!

Nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof

Considering the temperature in the Bay Area is in the 90s this week, that is really saying something. I have been awake since 5 am, hoping to get a phone call from the MD saying not to come in and that the embryos are doing well. We hope that the embryos are healthy and that they are going to be transferred at the blastocyst stage. I know the people scheduled in early this morning are the first priority, so I am trying to be patient. I am just so nervous.

The forecast indicates a high of 98 degrees and my 13 year old daughter is going to an amusement park with her friends. She is no longer a little girl, but not yet a woman. However, the time has come when she is able venture out into this world on her own (or at least to Great America with a group of friends). I worry that they will not drink enough water or that they will become ill in the heat, and what about the sun? I sure hope they reapply sunscreen frequently!

Whether they are 3 day embryos or a 13 year old young lady, a Mom never stops worrying!

what happens next?

Now we wait until Saturday morning to see how our little embies grow. When they look at them under the microscope on Saturday this is what we hope they see. 8 cells, uniform in shape and size, and no fragmentation. Each embryo is evaluated and if we have 4 or more high quality day 3 embryos, we wait until Monday to transfer.

If there are 3 or less, or if they are not developing well we transfer a maximum of 3 embryos on Saturday.

Donor update

15 eggs
12 were mature
9 fertilized!

Hooray!

Super donor!

Woo-hoo we got 15 eggs today.
We will hear tomorrow how many fertilize.
Keep the prayers, well wishes, Buddha belly rubbing, incense burning going!
We are so excited. Please God let it work this time!

Good luck to our donor!

I hope all goes well and that you are feeling happy and loved on the blessed day! My thoughts, prayers, and dreams will be with you today. HUGS!

Full Moon Fertility

There is a full moon out tonight, it was really quite striking as we returned from the mall. I have heard before that the moon influences our cycles and our fertility. I hope the full moon is a positive sign!

Signing the card for the donor

My husband and I were discussing whether or not we should sign the card or leave it anonymous. We decided there was no harm in signing our first names, so that is what we agreed to do. Later in the evening when we were ready to sign the card, I asked my daughter if she would like to sign the card as well. Of course she did. There was only one problem, we did not tell her that we were signing only our first names. She signed her first and last name. I went into a panic, because I am a little crazy like that. What are we going to do? We do not have another card. Maybe I could make her a card, we have some card stock around her don't we?

After helping me find the card stock that we have available, he knew to work with me for a few minutes because he is wise like that. My husband quickly reassured me that the card was fine. Katie does not even have the same last name that we have. It is no big deal.

I know my nerves are a wreck tonight, but I often wonder why I get so worked up about the silliest things.

The perfect pair of earrings.....

We bought the perfect pair of earrings for the donor. They arrived today as expected via overnight delivery. We have purchased from this company in the past and LOVED their jewelry. I removed the earrings to inspect the beautiful aquamarine, I admired it lovingly, and returned it to the box. As I replaced it the back came off of the earring. I started to replace the back when I realized the back was still on the post and instead the post had separated from the stone mount. The beautiful stone was in one hand and the post and back in the other. I almost cried.

This necessitated a late evening run to the mall. We went to Macy's and four jewelry stores before finding the replacement aquamarine earrings. We were so lucky to find a replacement, when you have settled on a particular style, nothing else will do.

Thankfully the earrings are now packaged and tucked into hubby's car, ready to be delivered tomorrow to our wonderful donor.

Update on me...

I keep forgetting to update my status.

Yesterday the visit was 2 thumbs up. Labs and lining were both good. We are ready, all systems are go. But first, you guessed it, we have to wait about 2 more weeks to find out if it works and we are indeed pregnant.

Schedule of Events

Trigger today 6/16
Retrieve Wednesday 6/18
Fertilize Wednesday 6/18
Check to see how many fertilized on Thursday 6/19
Hopefully we will transfer Monday 6/23
but if too few are available then we transfer on Saturday 6/21
Pregnancy test Wednesday 7/2

Donor gift

Yesterday we ordered our donor a gift. We had thought about the usual flowers, or spa gift certificate, but in the end we decided on something more permanent. Deciding upon a gift was not easy. We wanted it to some way connect the donor to the child. We thought about the child and when he/she would be born. It will be in the month of March and the March birthstone is aquamarine. We thought too of the history of the gem and in the end wrote the following card for the donor.

Aquamarine represents the ocean of love that will surround this child when entering the world in March, and the love that surrounds you today.

It will be enclosed with a pair of Aquamarine stud earrings.

tonight we trigger!

Today at work I got the call. The donor is ready to trigger. According to everyones best guess, there are between 10-15 mature follicles that will be retrieved on Wednesday morning.

Up until this point I have been very muted about the whole process. I am sure it is partially in self-preservation. If I stay neutral then perhaps it will not hurt as much if things go badly. Well as hard as I may have tried, there was no controlling my racing heart whenever the NP called and said, "Are you ready? we are triggering tonight!" I replied, "Let's do it!"

I wonder if the donor is feeling as excited. I wonder too if it makes her sad to let go.

Books we will read to a new baby...

This is a great question from the donor. I happen to have some experience in reading books to a little one, although I may be a bit rusty as she decided to start reading on her own!

One of the the first books that comes to mind is.....

Where the Wild Things Are..,,On the night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of on kind...and another....LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!

Next is a sweet book called HUGS...Mommy hugs are soft and warm I like them very much, Daddy hugs wrap all around they have a tickley touch

and who can forget, The Cat in the Hat....The sun did not shine it was too wet to play, so we stayed in the house all that cold, cold wet day. I sat there with Sally, We sat there we two, and of how we wished we had something to do. To wet to go out, to cold to play ball, so we sat in the house and did nothing at all.

Then there was another sweet little book called Here I am. I have 2 little eyes, a mouth and a nose, Ten little finger and 10 little toes. I have two hands to clap, clap, clap. I have 2 feet to tap, tap, tap.

Even when you are very little you can check out your body, Katie LOVED this!

Anyone else have a good book to recommend?

Update on me...

With all the excitement with the donor, I forgot to tell you how I am doing.

My job is to prepare for the arrival of our embryos. I do this my taking Lupron injections and Estrogen pills. I also take a baby aspirin each day.

I had my ultrasound and blood work on Friday. My lining was a little thin and according to my blood work my estrogen level was a little low. So my Estrogen dose was increased and now I must return to the clinic on Monday and have another blood test and ultrasound. They just need to make sure when the time finally arrives, I have a sufficient lining to support a pregnancy. A lining of greater than 8 mm is preferred, mine was 7.8.

Another day another dose, and more waiting.

Letter from the donor.

Boo they lied to me!

Evidently yesterday when I got the info, I got it on the wrong donor. I know...I know how can that happen? But you know what I work in the health care field and I know that things happen, it is just that 2 things have happened to me on this cycle now! Grrrrr!

Anyway, instead of having "lots of eggs" my donor has about 13 that are developing well. That number sounds a little low to me, but as my sister reminded me, we do not need 13 and it is quality not quantity that is important.

Even though I am telling myself all this, why is it I feel a little let down?

On a happy note, I got a letter from our donor which made me very happy! She seems so wonderful.

I pray for patience over this weekend!

Theresa

How is the donor?

Well I am glad you asked. The donor is evidently doing great.

They said, "she has a lot of eggs in there" and that they believe she may retrieve on Sunday! Woot, this is great news! So by Monday, I should know how many fertilized, if all goes well.

Wow that seems very fast, I hope that is not a bad sign, I do not want her to hyperstimulate. We are so excited!

Little hat and booties

Ann my new best friend in the world and a true Catholic who both prays and buys baby clothes...I think she was once hit my a nun with a ruler, but I do not think she knows any personally...although her mother is like a saint.

I think the real reason she bought the baby clothes is because she is hoping to get on God's good side and he will let Desie into Catholic Schools!

Thanks again for the clothes!

PS Matthew tried on the hat and played finger puppets with the booties, Boca was so disturbed he barked at him!

Family

According to m-w.com definition 3a for the word family is as follows: a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation.

Well, if you read this blog you are a part of my blogging family.
Also if your blood courses through my child's veins, you are a part of this family.
Some of you, God bless you, are related to us directly.
Other are affiliated or associated in a non-linear fashion.
Some of you are my work family, some of you are my in-laws, some of you are my outlaws.
Some of you are here because of the blog, others are here in spite of the blog.

The wonderful church I go to sing a beautiful hymn that proclaims, "All are welcome in this place" and our motto is "whoever you are, where ever you are on life's journey, you are welcome here."

I feel like that about the blog as well. If you want to post something, please do. If you are more comfortable lurking, please do that as well.

I just want to thank all of you for your prayers, well wishes, and support. It has truly been a group effort for a very long time.

Theresa

Chocolate clarification...

I suppose in my vague reference to chocolate and fertility drugs there was a bit of room for ambiguity. To make all things clear.....

Yes we are cycling this month! On or about the 19th of June the eggs will be retrieved from the donor and fertilized. On or about the 24th, they will be returned to me. And on or about July the 3rd, we will know if we are pregnant.

On exactly July the 6th, we are leaving on a cruise to Mexico to celebrate or love regardless of the results!

I am currently taking my hormones, so if you call and I am not on my A game, you will know why. I do not even have to take the hard stuff. The donor is the one who is charged with that responsibility. I hope she tolerates the hormone fluctuations better than I do! All I can say is that she is a remarkable person to take on all this.

I am going in for lab work on Monday morning. Wish us luck!

Theresa

An Act of Faith

Way back when, when my in-laws were trying to conceive my husband, they also sought assistance. The assistance they sought was of a higher order, or should I say a holy order, the Carmelite Nuns. Matthew's Aunt Lucia was a member of this order.

When Kathy and Vince revealed they were not having success in conceiving, the nuns recommended prayer, and told the young couple that as an Act of faith, they should buy baby clothes.

Sure enough Matthew was conceived a few months later.

I thought this was such a sweet story, that is until I was told the frugal young couple never actually bought the baby clothes.

My sister-in-law Rebaccah, has purchased said clothes to make up for the sins of our elders, and now both of us would like to have the curse lifted from us.

Perhaps the frugal not so young couple should not only pray but purchase the baby clothes so that their children may conceive as well!

I know, I know....but I am covering all my bases just in case!

Tired of it....

You know I can tell by the look on their faces, many of the people I know are really tired of hearing me talk about the cycle. Many have been with me through the tubal surgery, the IUIs, the IVF attempt, the donor cycle with my sister.....and they are really so tired of it.

I am tired too. I am tired of waiting, and poking, and scanning. I am tired of talking to the insurance company, and co-ordinating with the case manager. I am tired of not being able to talk to the donor. I am tired of paying so much money to other people to do what I should be able to do myself. I would pay 10k to be able to push the fast forward button and find out what will happen in the next 4 weeks.

But you know what? If it works it will all be worth it. Then I will just be tired because I have a new wonderful baby, and I am just tired because I am a new Mom again. I can't wait to be that kind of tired.

Theresa

Chocolate sacrifices..

And the Lord looked on the Chocolate offering and he found it to be very good.

Progesterone levels are down today! We are starting fertility drugs today! Woo-hoo!!!

I am so excited!

Theresa

You forgot to do what?

So, I went to the clinic this morning and that stupid cyst was still there....like a big fat goose egg. I hate you cyst! Just for that I am attacking you with more chocolate cookies tonight!

Anyway, so I had my blood drawn. The deal is that my hormone levels have to be down, so I waited very patiently...or not. When I finally get the call, I am told I have to wait until tomorrow for the results because they forgot to run the progesterone level and now the lab is closed, "they come in early you know".....yes I do know, I was there at 7:00 am when they opened the doors for Pete's sake!

SO here I am waiting patiently...or not. If I had been a good student in the mind body class I would be taking deep breaths and allowing the breath to massage my ovaries and break up that cyst. Instead, I am engaging in more chocolate therapy!

Sigh:(

What if the cyst is still there?

If the cyst is still there, the donor will proceed without me. We will not have a fresh cycle. On the day of the retrieval, the donor's eggs will be injected with Hubby's sperm and then we will see what happens. The healthiest of the embryos will all be frozen and we will prepare for a frozen embryo transfer(s), whenever I am ready (probably the next menstrual cycle)

negatives-frozen cycles are slightly less successful than fresh cycles are in general.

positives-I get to drink fun fruity drinks on our cruise in July!

I have to try to think on the bright side or I drive myself insane!

Fingers crossed

Cyst is an ugly word.
Chocolate is a wonderfully sensual word.

Perhaps if I eat more chocolate the cyst will be gone.

I am off to make cookies!

I will let you all know about the cyst tomorrow.


Theresa